ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
