Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
