I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
