I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
