i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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