Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
