you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
