You can't special order awesome
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
