Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
