i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
