how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
