I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
