I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
