i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
