i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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