it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
