We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just had sex on a roof
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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