yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
