No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
