Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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