I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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