He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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