fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
