I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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