So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
