Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
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