Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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