Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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