my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
