You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
