My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Randomize
