There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
