I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
