Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I need a burrito and a hug.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
