At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
