theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
