So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
