Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
