Apparently you make a good broom.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
