I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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