Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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