I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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