did you get engaged???
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
