this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
