Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
