dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
