She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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