Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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