Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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