evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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