I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
