He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
