You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
