If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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