The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
