Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
