I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
